How to Handle Family Expectations When You’re Eloping (Without Losing Your Mind)
Real Talk From Someone Who’s Been There: Let me spill some tea: my husband and I eloped…and then had a “real” wedding later to keep the peace. On paper, it was beautiful. In reality? We’re not huge PDA or center-of-attention people, so standing in front of 100 people kissing for photos was not our vibe. Looking back, we wish we’d just found a mountain top, exchanged vows privately, and called it a day.
Here’s the twist: my own family was supportive from the jump (bless them). But not everyone in our circle got it. Some people acted like skipping a big wedding was a personal attack and that we only did it to get under their skin. The reality? They just didn’t have a close enough relationship with me or really know my husband to know what we prefer. Whether you’re eloping, throwing a micro wedding, or planning a big bash, the hardest part isn’t picking flowers; it’s managing the feelings of the people you love most.
Understand the Why Behind the Drama
Do: Remember, their frustration usually isn’t about you—it’s about their expectations. Parents and extended family may see weddings as milestones for them too.
Don’t: Take the initial backlash as the final word. They’ll adjust.
Relatable Moment: When I shared our elopement plans, my family said, “Awesome, that totally makes sense and your reasons are valid!” Others? You’d think I said we were running away to join a circus.
Be Clear About Your Vision (And Stick to It)
Do: Communicate why you’re choosing to elope: intimacy, adventure, zero seating charts.
Don’t: Leave it vague: “We’re still deciding” invites everyone to “help.”
Example: “We’re eloping in Sedona because we want a private, meaningful moment. We’ll celebrate with you all afterward—promise.”
Include Them…Without Compromising Your Day
Do:
Share your photos or a vow video later.
Host a laid-back dinner or backyard party post-elopement.
Ask loved ones to write letters you can read during your ceremony.
Don’t: Add people to your ceremony out of guilt. You’ll remember that tension forever—and not in a cute way.
@alvaandamor
Set Boundaries Like a Boss
Do: Be firm but loving. “We’re keeping this moment just between us because that feels right for us.”
Don’t: Apologize for creating your dream day. A boundary isn’t a betrayal.
Sassy Truth: Saying “no” to Aunt Karen’s big reception idea isn’t rejecting her.
Prepare for Emotional Whiplash
People might cycle through shock, sadness, and FOMO before settling into acceptance and getting rid of their pride.
Do: Vent privately to your partner or a friend.
Don’t: Make massive decisions mid-drama if there is any. You’ll regret it (trust me, been there).
Celebrate on Your Terms
If you still want to include family later, plan a party that feels low-pressure: like a brunch, a desert picnic, or a backyard BBQ. Just don’t let a post-elopement event overshadow the vows you made privately.
My Regret: Our later wedding looked perfect on Instagram, but it wasn’t truly us. If we could rewind, it’d be hiking boots, mountain views, and zero forced kisses on a timeline.
Dos & Don’ts Cheat Sheet
Do choose authenticity over obligation.
Do communicate clearly and early.
Do offer ways for loved ones to feel involved without giving up your vision.
Don’t let guilt steer your decisions.
Don’t cave mid-plan—it only breeds resentment.
Don’t forget: this is about your marriage, not their Facebook album.
Your Day, Your Way
Whether you’re climbing a mountain, booking a micro wedding, or planning a big bash, make the choice that feels like you. Your family’s feelings matter, but so do yours. Trends fade, centerpieces wilt, and everyone will move on to the next big thing. What lasts is the memory of the moment you promised forever, so make it one you actually want to relive.
If you feel like this aligns with you and want to take the next steps to book, visit my investment page and see if my pricing aligns with yours! If it does, contact me! Let’s start planning your big day!
